Hate God Because Of A Loss? Pray Anyway.

The worst happens.  You get mad at God.  Or you hate God.  Or your world is so dark you really don’t know what to think about God.

Been there?

Many times, when people feel like this, they stop going to church.  They stop praying.  They just stop.

When my husband was killed, my aunt didn’t go to church for a long, long time.  ”I couldn’t” she said.  ”I was mad at God.”

When the worst happens, it is understandable to be mad, or frustrated, or absolutely unsure of what to think.

But here is the secret: God already knows your feelings.  Tell Him how you feel.  Tell Him.  Vent.  Rave.  Yell.  Cry.  But tell Him.

Sometimes we feel like we can’t “get angry” at God.  Some even feel like it is a “sin” to do so.

That is a load of hoopla.

We tend to read the Psalms in a monotone, unexcited voice.  But the Psalms weren’t said in a monotone voice.  They were spoken by people with passion.  People penned some of the Psalms because of something in their life that was devastating.

Listen.

“Why do you stand afar off, O Lord?  Why do You hide Yourself in times of trouble?”  Ps 10:1

Now say it out loud – say it the way it was written – with passion.

Sounds a little angry does it not?

What about this one. . .

“How long, O Lord?  Will You forget me forever?  How long will You hide Your face from me?  How long shall I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart all the day?  How long will my enemy be exalted over me?”  Ps 13:1-2

Did you say it out loud?  Doesn’t that one sound like it was said in tears?

And this. . .

“My God, my God, why have You forsaken me?  Far from my deliverance are the words of my groaning.  O my God, I cry by day, but You do not answer.”  Ps 27:1-2a

Did you say it out loud?  Sounds a little desperate doesn’t it?

Anger.  Sorrow.  Desperation.   No matter what you are feeling, God can handle it.  And you know what?  When you start to release your feelings, that is the first step to “healing.”  You will never be the same, as I said in 8 Ways to Cope When Grieving but you can start to fill the hole.  It is a start.

And when you get out your feelings, you begin to see Daddy God is right there, and He wants you to crawl into His lap so He can wrap His arms around you.

Listen to the end of those psalms I just quoted.

“Why do you stand afar off, O Lord?  Why do You hide Yourself in times of trouble?. . . O Lord, You have heard the desire of the humble; You will strengthen their heart.  You will incline Your ear to vindicate the orphan and the oppressed, so that man who is of the earth will no longer cause terror.”  Ps 10:1, 17-18

The angry voice that thinks God has hidden His face realizes at the end of his psalm that God will strengthened the heart and vindicate those who have been wronged!

“How long, O Lord?  Will You forget me forever?  How long will You hide Your face from me?  How long shall I take counsel in my soul, Having sorrow in my heart all the day?  How long will my enemy be exalted over me?. . . But I have trusted in Your loving-kindness; My heart shall rejoice in Your salvation.  I will sing to the Lord, because He has dealt bountifully with me.”  Ps 13:1-2, 5-6

The one that first thought God had forgotten him ends up believing God is loving and bountiful!

“My God, my God, why have You forsaken me?  Far from my deliverance are the words of my groaning.  O my God, I cry by day, but You do not answer. . .   It will be told of the Lord to the coming generation, they will come out and will declare His righteousness.”  Ps 22:1-2a, 30-31a

The one who thinks he is forsaken speaks of God’s righteousness!

When you start to acknowledge how you feel, God can begin to help you.  But you have to tell Him.  He wants a relationship with you.  Don’t you speak to your friends about your feelings?  Of course you do.  You tell them.  That is what God wants you to do.  He is there to help, He is there to heal, and He is there to love you so much in the deepest valley of your life, you just might find yourself on a mountain.

Daddy can do those things.  I know.  I’ve been there.  And in the biggest valley of my life, Daddy came.  And you know what?  I found myself on a mountain.

I will leave you with a sone by Josh Wilson.  Listen to it and believe.  It is called  “Before the Morning”

What happened to you is not right.  It is wrong.  Believe and know that Daddy will have the final word.  And He will make the wrong right.  It may not be in this life, on this earth, but He will make it right.  See Eden Returns – Daddy Makes It Right.

Believe it.  Tell Him how you feel.  And He will bring the Light.

nic

e mail me at nicsrevelations.com

Grieving? Breathe – Don’t Send Thank You Notes

Whatever you are suffering, you have to learn to forgive yourself.  If you want to see the long list of things to help, see 8 Ways to Cope When Grieving.  But for now, lets concentrate on breathing, shall we?

When my husband was killed in action one of the best gifts I received was someone who said, “Do not send me a thank you note.”

It was all I could do to breathe each and every day for months, if not years.  Those who understood this made the point to tell me to not worry about the courtesies of life for a while.

I took it to heart.  I gave myself one year to not “worry” about anything other than breathing, and it is quite possibly one of the best pieces of advice I can give.

Breathe.  Forgive yourself for not sending thank you notes.

What else?  Forgive yourself for not going to the “party.”

You know yourself better than anyone else.  You  know what you can and cannot handle. For me, a “party” was out of the question.  Not because it was a party, but because couples were there – lots of them.  Don’t put yourself in a situation where you would feel overwhelmed.  Don’t force yourself into a situation where you will go home in tears.  There will be plenty of those days without “accepting” situations you can avoid – at least for a time.

Forgive yourself for saying “no” even if it is saying no to lunch with a friend.  You just have to be sure you aren’t saying “no” to everything.  Although there will be some days you need to crawl under the covers and go to sleep, there will be other days you need to get up and do something.  Know the difference and forgive yourself if there are some days you just can’t “go.”

You need to breathe, and if anything causes you unnecessary anxiety – say no – and forgive yourself.

Forgive yourself for having an extra piece of cheesecake or driving through the Burger King – again.  When my husband was killed, every time I went out, I rewarded myself by getting an extra-large Diet Coke at the local Burger King.  I didn’t go out every day, but every time I went, I got myself a Diet Coke.  Coke didn’t fix it, but it was something I looked forward to, something that gave me a little something.  See Crying Over Coke.

As the years past, I had to get out everyday, and the Burger King got a visitor every day.  At times I calculated in my head how much I was spending in a month at the drive through, but you  know what – so what?  If that small thing gave me a semblance of a smile, so what?  Forgive yourself.

One final thought.  Everyone who does help you and everyone that will help you does not expect you to do anything in return.  This does not only mean the next day, but it means years and years later.  There was one person in my life who made a point to tell me, “They have done a lot for you, you need to give them a birthday gift.”  It made me feel horrible, so I did – I gave them a birthday gift.  And you know what?  It didn’t feel right.  It didn’t feel right because it wasn’t right. Do you have to give everyone who helps you a birthday gift?

No, no, you don’t.  The person who helps you doesn’t want or expect you to do anything.  Those who help do so because they see you need it and because they want to help, not because they expect something in return.  In fact, every single one of the people in my life would be abhorred to hear at one time I felt the need to “repay” them.  At least, not unless they need my support as bad as I needed theirs.  So what do you do?

You take what they gave you and pay it forward, pay it to someone to whom you can say, “Don’t send me a thank you note.”

nic

e mail me at nicsrevelations.com

8 Ways to Cope When Grieving

When the word comes, it can seem like your world is over – and in a way it is.  Because “after” will never be the same as “before.”  You will not be the same.  Your world will not be the same.  It sucks.  Let no one tell you otherwise.

When the world seems dark (and is dark) there are things you can do to help yourself begin to “heal.”  I put “heal” in quotes because as I said, although the hole can be filled, there will always and forever be a hole.  I don’t want to underestimate that in any way.

I have been through it and know.  I have lived it and “healed.”  I have been surrounded by darkness never thinking I would ever again see the light.   And although I cannot understand your pain, maybe, just maybe my words will resonate with you in some way.

So here are my “tips” on what you should do:

1) Pray – pray hard and fast and constantly.  You might be thinking a number of things right now.  One in the foremost of your mind may be, “I don’t feel like praying;” another could be, “but I’m mad at God.”  Pray anyway.  Daddy already knows how you feel.  Yell at Him if you need to.  Scream at Him.  Tell Him you don’t feel like praying.  But tell Him.  Immediately.

Here is an excerpt from my book Revelations.

“Slowly, the hours rolled by and my friends began to leave.  I lay on the couch at three o’clock in the morning and started to sob.  As the internal scream grew louder, slowly, ever so slowly, it started forming a prayer. 

“Daddy, help me.  Please Daddy, help me.  Daddy, help me.”  I repeated it over and over.  At times, I’m sure those words passed through my mind hundreds of times in an hour.  They were a constant presence, a security blanket that I clung to when I felt myself gasping for air. 

I had never called God “Daddy” before.  God the Father had always been slightly elusive to me.  Jesus I could touch and feel, His sacrifice brutal yet beautiful.  But God?  Who was He?  That night I discovered who God really was and His new name rolled off my tongue like butter. 

Daddy. 

This epithet should’ve come as no surprise.  Galatians 4:6 says, “Because you are sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, “Abba, Father!” 

Pray.  I don’t know if I prayed more than those 3 words for weeks: “Daddy, help me.”   If you have nothing to say to God, just say Daddy.  Sometimes that is all your inner scream will allow.  That prayer was a life saver for me.  I didn’t know what to say or how to say it, so I just said, “Help.”  And over the course of time, Daddy did.

2) Forgive Yourself.  ”Forgive yourself” for not being perfect.   Again, I put “forgive yourself” in quotes because there may not be anything to forgive yourself for, but at times you may feel like you are letting others down, your children down, your parents down, your friends down, yourself down.  Forgive yourself.  I will post more about this in Wednesday’s blog, but for now know you can’t do everything you did before – at least not yet.    Concentrate on breathing and breathing alone.  And forgive yourself.

3)Forgive Others.  Some people will say some really stupid stuff.  Others will do some really stupid stuff.  Family and/or friends may think you are “pushing” them away – even when you aren’t.  Forgive them.   There may be a season where relationships seem broken.  Some may stay broken.  Don’t cause it, but accept it, and forgive them.

4)  Do what you need to Do.  There are things that helped me get through day by day.   I have always been a picture girl, but they multiplied after Doug was killed.  My entire house looks like he is still here – and I know he does still live – just not on this Earth.  Another tip is to wear something of his or hers or put their name on something that you can wear.  At first I just had the normal army KIA bracelet, then I got a cuff bracelet with simply his name on it.  Now I have a multiple necklace with his name.

Do what you have to do to get by.  You may need to take down pictures instead of leave them up.  You may need to wear his shoes (Yes, I did that too) or his jacket (yep, still do that).  Do it.  If you think you look weird, don’t worry about it.  Do it anyway.

5) Find Someone To Talk To – This one may be easy, or it may be hard.  I found in my experience there were some that wanted to “fix it” when there was no “fixing it.”  There were others who  said they “understood” when there was no one who “understood” but God.  No matter how much anyone else has suffered they can’t begin to imagine your pain.  You are a different person.  Their experience, no matter how similar, is never ever the same.  Don’t talk to people who pretend to understand.  You are setting yourself up for hurt.

Find someone who will sit and listen.  Surround yourself with people who know you will never be the same and who will stick with you no matter what.  And when you find that person or those people, let it all out.  Cry, laugh, get mad, whatever it is you need to do – do.  They can take it.  And you will start to move past the blackness.

6) Find time to be alone – no matter how much I tell you to find someone who can listen, you need to also make sure you find time to be alone.  Your life has been turned into an enormous black hole.   Sit, cry, do whatever it is you need to do.  But be alone.  Remember, no one can understand but God.  And to find His answers, you gotta sit with Him a bit.  This may involve prayer some days but other days it may involve nothing but sitting. being and listening.

“Be still and know that I am God.”   He has your answers and even if you cannot see the light in the darkness, He can direct you.

7) Read.  First, read the Word – Don’t stop picking up your Bible.  In the weeks following my husband’s death I honestly don’t know if I picked up my bible at all, but my inner prayer life was a lifeline to the throne of grace.  But as the weeks past and I found myself alone, the Word was my constant companion.  Daddy speaks through His Word, and He will put in front of you what you need to hear.  If you can’t find the strength to read the Word, hold your bible in your hands until you can.  When you are in darkness, you need to find the light.  ”The Word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.”  The light can’t shine unless you let it.  Read the Word.

Read other books that can help you too.  A good one is “A Search For Peace” by Wanda Gutierrez.  This is a book pick up every year.  It has helped me find myself time and again.   No matter where you are in a loss, it is a must have.  Find books that can help.

8) Go To Church – No, you will not feel like it.  Yes, you will cry.  Yes, it will be painful. If you hate everything about God at this time, go anyway.  God would rather you be there than not.  Just like God let’s the Word be our light, He uses His people for comfort and encouragement (Heb. 10:25).  We are not alone, even if we feel like we are.  There is a body of believers who are our support and every one of them has been hurt in some way.  They may not have dealt with what you have, but they do hurt.  Let them encircle you with love.

Check back here in the weeks to come.  I am going to go through each of these points in detail.

Stand firm, Christian Soldiers.  If you are dealing with a loss, it is not the final word.  Believe that.  See Eden Returns – Daddy Makes It Right.

nic

e-mail me at nicsrevelations.com

Eden Returns – Daddy Makes It Right

“But me, I’m not giving up, I’m sticking around to see what God will do, I’m waiting for God to make things right. I’m counting on God to listen to me.” Micah 7:7  The Message

I was reading “Jesus Calling” by Sarah Young to my 7-year-old yesterday morning.  It had Micah 7:7 as the verse and it resonated with me.  I told myself I would look at that verse again when my child went to school.  The rest of Sarah’s lesson said something like this: No matter what YOU do, mistakes and ALL, God will work it for GOOD.

I needed that.  I needed to know that despite what I do, God still loves me, and He will take my mistakes and work them for my good and His glory.

Well, later that morning I picked up The Message bible that I had left on my coffee table.  It was out because the day before I wanted to read something to my child and I thought The Message would be easier for him to understand.  I am telling you this because I hardly ever pick up The Message.  So why did I reach for it instead of my trusted NASB that was sitting right beside it? – can someone say DADDY?

“But me, I’m not giving up, I’m sticking around to see what God will do, I’m waiting for God to make things right. I’m counting on God to listen to me.” Micah 7:7  The Message

I love it.  I really do.  Yesterday we looked at “not giving up” even when life seems overwhelming because there is One yoked to us that is there to take that load – if we would only let Him.

Now I want to look at another part of the Micah 7:7 verse.  ”I’m waiting for God to make things right.”

We know God listens to us, but do we believe He will really make things right?  Really?  Even in our day-to-day mix ups?  Despite what we do?  Do we really believe God can right all that?

What about the things more serious?  The death of a spouse?  The death of a child?  A miscarriage? Family problems.  Friend drama.  Betrayal.

But He is yoked right there beside us remember?  He is right there, feeling everything with us.  And He is our Daddy.  Doesn’t your father or someone in your life want to make things right for you?  And how much more our Daddy?  He made this world for Eden.  He made it for us to enjoy, not for us to cry and moan and wail.

We did a good job of that ourselves.

But Daddy’s plans have never changed.

He wants us to have Eden again.  And it is coming – oh faithful friends, it is coming!

Do we believe it?

“Indeed, the Lord will comfort Zion; He will comfort all her waste places and her wilderness He will make like Eden, and her desert like the garden of the Lord.  Joy and gladness will be found in her, thanksgiving and sound of a melody.”  Isaiah 51:3

This scripture is talking about the Millennial Reign of Christ.  And what will it be like?

Eden.

The wrongs that have happened in your life will be made right, my faithful friends.  They will be made right.  If not in this life – in the next.  In Eden.  Where we will live again.

My husband is gone, but God can make it right.  He can and He will – in Eden.  In the garden of the Lord.  In the Millennial Kingdom of Christ.

“But me, I’m not giving up, I’m sticking around to see what God will do, I’m waiting for God to make things right. I’m counting on God to listen to me.” Micah 7:7

I’m not giving up.  I’m waiting to see what God will do.  I’m waiting on the return of the King.  Because I know when He comes, there will be JOY and all the wrong in my life will be RIGHTED.  My Daddy loves me that much.  My Daddy loves you that much.

And I am just GIDDY.  Aren’t you?

Eden.

Amen and Amen, Come Quickly Lord Jesus!

nic

e mail me at nic@nicsrevelations.com

Want A Yoke Around Your Neck? You Should.

“But me, I’m not giving up, I’m sticking around to see what God will do, I’m waiting for God to make things right. I’m counting on God to listen to me.” Micah 7:7  MSG

Wow.  I hardly ever pick up “The Message” version of scripture because I can’t find the exact verse I am looking for (due to the paraphrase nature of the version), but I picked it up this morning, turned to Micah 7:7 and said, “WOW.”

“I’m not giving up.”

You don’t either.  You hear me?  Don’t give up.

I am hearing from a lot of people that they are “weighed down” by this life.  That they aren’t “hearing” from God like they should.  The “fear” in their hearts is crippling.  The “worries” of this life are overwhelming.

Am I speaking to anyone?

If you are feeling weighed down by life, know that He is beside you to take your load and to walk with you.  ”Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

A yoke puts two animals together.  Alone the load would be unbearable, but together, side by side, the yoke becomes easier – cuz God is there to guide you and steer you in the right direction.

Feel like you aren’t hearing from God?  ”In my distress I called to the Lord, I cried to my God for help, from His temple He heard my voice, my cry came before Him into His ears.”  Psalm 18:6

God hears your prayers, faithful friends.  If you aren’t hearing anything back it could mean that the answer is ‘no’ but it could also mean ‘wait.’   God wants you to learn to wait on Him.  We get impatient with waiting.  We don’t like it, and we move ahead thinking we can do something about it.    Remember that yoke?  Well, if you try to move ahead when you are “yoked” you are taking the load on yourself, making it harder.  God wants you to trust Him and slow down, allow Him to lead and direct.  Then it is easier.

What about a fearful or anxious heart that worries about this life and life in the future?   “Cast all your anxiety on him, because He cares for you.” (1 Peter 5:7)

Easier said than done right?  But God has been teaching me His peace doesn’t come once when we are “saved.”  His peace doesn’t even come daily.  His peace comes second by second as our focus turns to Him.  We don’t just toss our anxieties to Him once and walk away, suddenly filled with a sense of peace.  It is a moment by moment process, a training of the mind.

Remember that yoke?  You have to have a connection always, not once in the morning or every Sunday.   The yoke is shared moment by moment.

Listen, I haven’t mastered the art of this myself  I’m a work in progress.  But I tell you what.  I’m not giving up.

“I’m not giving up.  I’m sticking around to see what God will do, I’m waiting for God to make things right. I’m counting on God to listen to me.”

I’m a work in progress but I’m sticking around to see what God will do with my anxious self.  I’m waiting for God to make the wrongs right in my life and I am counting on God to hear me when I call out to Him.

I think all those worries and fears, all the overwhelmingness of life, would fade in the background if we would realize all we have to do is reach out and feel that yoke around our neck and know that the other part of that yoke went straight to the One that walked with us yesterday, that will walk with us tomorrow, and that knows what will happen in the next moment.

This is a second by second, moment by moment surrender to the One that knows where you should go.

Trust the yoke.  Trust the One yoked to you.  I kinda got a feeling He has everything under control.

nic

email me at nicsrevelations.com

Discouraged? Believe God – But Understand He Doesn’t Have A Watch

Don’t you wish Daddy had a watch?  I mean, don’t you wish He went by your time sometimes?

Have any of  you heard something from Him, or felt like He was telling you something would happen, and then you wait. . . and wait . . . and wait.

Is it just me? – or does anyone want to ask Him, “God, I KNOW you said this would happen and I feel like I should be doing better than I am, soooooo. . . . do you think your watch stopped?  Can you check the battery?”

Anyone?

Well, if you ever felt like you have waited forever for something to occur, you might want to glance back at David’s life.  I mean, God anointed him king when he was only a boy – probably no older than 15 according to the NASB.

Then David gets put into King Saul’s service (awkward) and he kills Goliath (think Saul may have been jealous?) then Saul tries to kill him (yep, could have predicted that one) and then he goes around hiding in caves (not a pleasant place to fall asleep).

This wasn’t over the course of a year.  But over 15 years!  David was anointed king, but waited 15 years of an absolute crazy, warlike, awkward life until he was officially crowned king of Judah.  Then he had to wait another 7 years before he was crowned king over all Israel!

What?

Didn’t Daddy tell Samuel back in 1 Samuel 16 to anoint David king?  Yep.  You got it, but David was a shepherd then – a boy.  David had some learning to do, don’t you think?

As do we.

And what about Abraham?  God promised Abraham an heir and then Sarah got so fed up with waiting she gave Hagar to Abraham.  Ishmael was like 14 years old when Issac was born, so Abraham waited at least 15 years before God’s promise came to pass.

But what did Abraham do?

“Abraham believed God and it was credited to him as righteousness.” Romans 4:3

Don’t be discouraged.  Believe what God says to you, but understand, it is in His timing.

And although at times it feels like His timing is off, Daddy knows best.

And Daddy’s timing is perfect.

Believe it.

nic

email me at nic@nicsrevelations.com

Are You a Noisy Gong? A Clanging Cymbal? Who Said The Bible Was Boring?

I just ran across 1 Corinthians 13:1. We have all heard it a million times, but I want you to take a fresh look today.  Really let the words resonate with your spirit.  Ready?

“If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging symbol.”

A noisy gong?

Remember the “Gong Show?”  Remember dreading (or anticipating) one of the judges whacking the large gong hanging behind them to get the armature talent off the stage?

Yeah.  That is a gong.  And it is LOUD and OBNOXIOUS.

A clanging cymbal?

Anyone else crazy enough to buy their seven-year old a set of drums for Christmas?  Yep, you got it – me.  And OH does he love those cymbals!

So are you –  am I – a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal?

In his letter to the Corinthians, Paul says if you do not speak in love, you are a gong.

Hello Gong!  I am Cymbal.

We all are guilty of not speaking in love.  We all let our tongues get the best of us.  If I may be so bold, I bet we let our tongues get the best of us daily.

This morning I got irritated at my child for something that was really not that big of a deal.  GONG.  The other day I was standing in a check out line and a guy comes up to me telling me if I bought this other brand, I would get a huge discount.  Come to find out I wasted 30 minutes because the guy was wrong and I had to deal with taking my purchase back.  CYMBAL CRASH.

Or what about driving behind someone going 35 in a 50?  Does anyone react by blessing the driver because they may be having a bad day?  If you have, you are a better person than me.  And what about someone stepping in front of you at the check out counter.  Do you react graciously?  - assuming they are in a bigger hurry than you?

Nope.

Listen to James, “But no one can tame the tongue; it is a restless evil and full of deadly poison.  With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the likeness of God; from the same mouth come both blessing and cursing.  My brethren, these things ought not to be this way.”  James 3:8-10

Ouch.

Our first reaction is to lash out, to make the other guy pay, to absolutely make our “righteousness” known.

It is our pride.   And our tongue leads the charge.

So today, be aware of your tongue.  There are times we might have to bite it.  And if you do bite it, and if you bite it again tomorrow, you might be surprised what will happen. . . .

“God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble. . . Humble yourselves in the presence of the Lord, and He will exalt you.”

When our tongues fight to get us ahead we are really putting ourselves behind, because humility leads to great heights.  Daddy says so.

And Daddy knows best.

nic